Help! I’ve Fallen!!

Admit it … when Dick Van Dyke trips and falls, or if you’ve ever watched America’s Funniest Videos, you laugh when the dunce falls. But, of course, in film, he jumps back up and is in play again.

Let me explain something to you if you aren’t already aware. Things have changed, and getting up isn’t always possible without help.

A couple of years ago, a Friday after Thanksgiving and about a week before my scheduled hip replacement surgery, I entered my double metal entrance gate, closed the walk-through door and tried to move the rusted slide portion. I was twisting my body and somehow simply collapsed onto the driveway. There were no handholds for me to lift myself and with thin leggings, the coarse gravel scoured my knees and elbows. I was stuck.

The sun was disappearing and under the crack at the bottom of the gate, colored lights started flashing … help was coming!! No, the neighbors across the street had turned on their Christmas lights, and I was still alone and down.

Before too long a young man and two young women were passing, when I called out, “Por favor, ayudarme … please, help me.” The agile youth jumped on top of my gate and shown his cellular flashlight on me (a lesson, that my gate was not secure after all). I slid the keys under the slot, they opened the gate, helped me stand and went on their merry way.

In the last month alone, one friend in her 60’s fell, and her right arm was almost amputated. She spent a month in the Civil Service Hospital in Guadalajara, and when the swelling went down, underwent 5 hours of surgery. She now has a bionic ball joint and clavicle. We’re waiting for her recovery to learn if she has use of her arm.

A local favorite in his 80’s walked the streets of Chapala all the time and had one serious fall that shattered his leg. He died shortly thereafter. Does the intense pain cause the heart to stop or a blood vessel to erupt, internal bleeding, sepsis?? Yet another senior fell, broke his hip, broke it again and a couple of days later was found unresponsive in his bed.

A woman in her 70’s tripped over a curb by Mom’s Deli and broke her shoulder. No surgery was required but she is wrapped tight as a mummy and confined to bed for FOUR weeks. Her husband isn’t in great shape, but fortunately a neighbor is providing meals, and I will be contributing some homemade chicken noodle soup and chili (separately).

A third friend in her 80’s fell in Guadalajara and really messed up her body with pain when jolted and suffered scratches on her hands when she caught herself. Another lakeside senior “face planted” herself against a concrete curb and almost lost her eyesight.

On the bright side, my very short, rather chunky, elderly mother wore housedresses … commando style (no underwear). One summer day, she bent over in the front yard to move the water hose and flipped over. The little boys across the street got an impromptu sexual education!

Friends, it’s dangerous out there (and in the house for that matter). Don’t be proud … use a walking stick if it helps, keep a cell phone with you, contact a neighbor a couple of times a day (who has your housekey and emergency lists). Be prepared … just in case.

I choose to live alone but would hope to select a companion who could lift me and who could cook!!!

Please stay upright…