groucho-marx-2A paraprosdokian sentence consists of two parts, where the first is a figure of speech and the second an intriguing variation of the first. They’re used typically for humorous or dramatic effect.

* Never argue with an idiot. He’ll drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

* Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

* The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it’s still on the list.

* If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.

* We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.

* Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

* The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

* How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

* Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand at the edge of a pool and throw fish.

* I didn’t say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.

* Women will never be equal to men till they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut and still think they’re sexy.

* A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

* You don’t need a parachute to skydive, but you do need one to skydive again.

* The voices in my head may be fake, but they have good ideas!

* Hospitality is making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish they were.

* I scream the same way whether I’m about to be eaten by a shark or seaweed touches my foot.

* Some cause happiness wherever they go, others whenever they go.

* There’s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can’t get away.

* You’re never too old to learn something stupid.

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Ojo Del Lago
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