Wise Witicisms

By the Ever-Elusive Anonymous

 

1. Where there’s a will, I
want to be in it.

2. The last thing I want to do
is hurt you. But it’s still on my list.
3. Since light travels faster than

sound, some people appear

bright until  you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we’d both

be wrong.
5. We never really grow up, we
only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who
is right – only who is left.

7. Knowledge is knowing a
tomato is a fruit..
Wisdom is not putting it in
a fruit salad.

8. To steal ideas from one
person is plagiarism .
To steal from many is research.
9. In the course of my life, I have

often had to eat my words

and I must confess that I have

always found it a wholesome diet

10. In filling out an
application, where it says,
‘In case of emergency,
Notify:’ I put DOCTOR!
11. Women will never be equal to
men until they can
walk down the street with a
bald head and a beer gut,

and still think they are sexy.
12. You do not need a parachute
to skydive. You
only need a parachute to
skydive twice.
13. A good speech should be like a

women’s skirt; long enough to

cover the subject and short

enough to create interest.

14. To be sure of hitting the
target, shoot first
and call whatever you hit
the target.

15. Going to church doesn’t
make you a Christian any
more than standing in a
garage makes you a car.
16. You’re never too old to
learn something stupid.
17. I’m supposed to respect
my elders, but its
getting harder and harder
for me to find one now.

18. Diplomacy is the art of telling

people to go to hell in such a

way they ask for directions.

19. ¨The hand is quicker than the eye!¨

That´s why there are so many black eyes !

20. Igor Stravinsky said –

Mediocre composers borrow themes –

the great ones steal them!

 

El Ojo del Lago – Home Page