How Could I Not

How Could I Not

By Gloria Palazzo


He Lied


online-datingRelationships have come into play in ways that surprise, delight and every so often startle me. I am referring to the romantic variety which wove their way into and out of my life. For a few years I’d planted myself on some internet dating sites.

Oh my God! I’d developed skills, tactics, lines and innuendoes that would make my children blush or declare they were orphans. I now speak “cool” and can instant message with three people faster than I ever typed at work.

My last adrenaline rush developed just after I sent a virtual “wink” to a guy who wrote in his profile that he is passionate, romantic, the best kisser in the world, loves to dance, is a gourmet cook, loves animals, has an athletic build, and is financially secure. The only thing missing from his world is the woman he will cherish for the rest of his life. He lives in a cabin in one of the most beautiful forests in California where he has access to natural hot springs. He is just an hour drive to the Pacific.

Virtual love at first “wink.” OMG! My on-line fishing has caught the big one.

LOL, which I thought meant “lots of love” later became decoded to “lots of laughs.” His photo revealed that he isn’t the best looking man I’d ever seen, but hey, with a profile like that, how could I not give it a shot.

A couple of months of e-mailing, instant messenger, Skype and telephone communication and I had my plane ticket to paradise. I am sweet sixteen again and meeting my prince at the airport.

A rumpled, crumpled, sad-lookin’ fellow waves at me as I approach baggage claim. Kissing is out of the question. Hot lips didn’t seem to have any. Be nice, be kind, be patient, I told myself; but what I really wanted was to be back home in my bed, waking up to this being a bad dream. A two-hour drive in the rain takes us to a cabin in the woods the size of my carport. The woods are beautiful. I smile.

I Lied. Not at first, I didn’t. In my quest to find my next and last great romance I registered on three internet dating sites. It was a daunting task at first, but I was motivated. I was also of the mind that if I wrote an interesting and truthful profile, and posted some fairly recent photos I’d be on my way to being partnered and in love.

I was so convinced that this would happen that I began preparing the new me. I changed my hair style, got a new wardrobe and painted my toe nails electric blue. I was on my way, or so I thought. Three months passed and I had no hot prospects.

What to do? What was wrong? And then I realized it was my age. Well, I couldn’t change my age, but I could fudge a bit. A tough decision, but a necessary one if I was going to continue my search. My profile needed a rewrite. I didn’t change much. I just deducted a couple of years. I was convinced that this was absolutely necessary. If I could study and refine me, I mean my person, the physical me, then why not write me as I wanted my new partner/lover to read me.

I did it. I lied. Almost every day after that my in-box had a notice that someone wanted to connect with me. With eager anticipation I’d sign in to learn about my possible new admirer. Just look at this one! WOW he’s handsome, but so young. Go for it girl. It’s just on paper. Not like it’s a flesh and blood real man.

A relationship developed, and I didn’t have to cook or do laundry. I was hooked. I learned how to play the game and I got good at it. Men were writing, calling, messaging, and Skyping.

A few came to visit. I visited a few of them. Interestingly, I’m just back from my last prospect’s haven in the woods. Sparing you the details, I will say that I was tempted to give up after this one, but a few days have gone by, and I will get back in the race, even though I know the odds of finding my prince are dwindling. Does this sadden me? Hell no! I’ve had a blast and a half. What I just might do if I have time between my e-mail buddies is start a group for recovering internet dating addicts. After all, who would know more about it than me!

My mouse has replaced a spouse, and sex has never been safer.

I smile. 

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