Ain’t Life Grand!

Ain’t Life Grand!

By Jack Fink


aintlifegrandCRIMINAL GENIUS AT WORK: A robber went into a convenience store and put a $20 bill on the counter, asking for change. When the clerk opened the register, the customer pulled a gun and demanded the contents. The clerk obliged and the thief fled. However, he just happened to forget his $20 bill on the counter. The total loot from the register was $5. Hah!

 AMERICA’S THIRD BEST SELLING board game is Parcheesi. It originated in India as “pacisi,” Hindu for “25,” the original number of tokens tossed in a roll. It dates back to the 16th century and was brought back to England during the British occupation.

EVELYN (my wife) SAYS GOD is not a cosmic bellboy for whom we can press a button whenever we need something.

WE ALL HAVE four openings in our heads for information to enter, but only one for it to go out. Keep that in mind, loudmouths!

THE SMARTEST DOG breed is no match for the average wolf in the IQ department. A 100 pound wolf has a brain that measures 400 cubic centimeters. A comparable size dog has a 250cc brain.

WHAT A GREAT imagination Jules Verne had. The French author predicted rocket flight, the submarine and television. And he didn’t pretend to be psychic, either!

COPS LOVE THIS TYPE! Two thieves tried to open up an ATM cash repository by connecting a chain from the machine to the bumper of their truck. But the bumper came off instead. They fled in a panic, leaving the chain and the bumper at the scene. (Small problem, as their license plate was still on the bumper.)

FRANCE IS THE only country where the money falls apart and you can’t tear the toilet paper.” —Famous film director Billy Wilder.

MY IQ IS halfway between what my mother thought and the opinion of my mother-in-law.

SIGN OUTSIDE A Dallas church: “Last chance to pray before entering freeway.”

MY BROTHER IS a clinical psychologist. He says he majored in psych ceramics, the study of crackpots.

EVELYN SAYS the most violence in a football stadium occurs in trying to get to the restroom at halftime.

PABLO PICASSO, the most financially successful artist of this past century, was once so poor he had to burn some of his paintings in order to keep warm in winter.

THE BEST POETS see the truth and express it in their works. Think of what´s happening in Europe today and ponder the lines of W.H. Auden: “In the nightmare of the dark/All the dogs of Europe Bark./And the living nations wait,/Each sequestered in its hate.”

A MAN AHEAD of his time was Earl Warren. When he was Governor of California in 1945, he proposed compulsory health Insurance for all citizens of the state, to be financed by a three percent payroll tax. The American Medical Association rose up in arms, so the Legislature turned it down.

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