Ain’t Life Grand!

Ain’t Life Grand!

By Jack Fink

 

alfred-e-newman-2SOME STUDIES now indicate that there are substances in tea that may help prevent cancer.

IN SOME COUNTRIES, cats were officially considered part of the personnel of museums, prisons, libraries and post offices. The New Zealand Postal Service only recently crossed cats off its list of personnel.

“PSYCHOANALYSIS is that mental disease of which it believes itself to be the cure.”–Karl Kraus

JOHN PAUL JONES, famous naval hero of the American Revolution, was illegitimate by birth, an actor by trade, lived under an assumed name for most of his life, was wanted for two murders, was tried for the rape of a young girl, and died penniless.

EVELYN (my wife) STUDIED PHYSICS in college. She says the Fourth Law of Inertia is that a body at rest tends to watch television.

CERTAIN POLITICIANS should have pimps for brothers so they would have someone to look up to.

ONE OF THE MANY ERRORS IN THE BIBLE accounts for the fact that Michelangelo’s famous painting of Moses shows him with horns protruding from his head, this because the Hebrew word for horns and light rays are easily confused.

THE NAZIS REVIVED the use of the guillotine during World War II, but with one grisly change. They forced the victim to lie on his back with his eyes uncovered so as to see the blade coming down.

LOCAL EXERCISE GURUS tell me there is no such thing as spot reducing; otherwise gum-chewers would have skinny faces.

EVELYN SAYS that if you believe the inscriptions on all the tombstones you read, bad people never die.

I TOLD MY DOCTOR that I was looking poorly, my hair was falling out, my body was sagging, and my complexion was blotchy. He said, “Well, I’m not sure what the problem is, but at least your eyes are perfect.”

 

Ojo Del Lago
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