—Part 3 of 3 – Self Evolvement Series
By Anna Elena Berlin
Certified Professional Coach, Experience of Life Researcher
So, what can make emotionally connecting so challenging? Well, our emotions firmly reside in the realm of the subconscious mind where we can be at its mercy when emotional connection is involved. Our awe inspiring subconscious accounts for 95% of our mind and processes forty million bits of information per second. That’s a million times more per second than our conscious minds do. Our subconscious minds wield extraordinary power over our conscious minds, bodies, beliefs, perceptions, thoughts, attitudes, values, behavior, feelings, emotions, and our experience of life. Learning how to get it to cooperate with your deep needs and conscious goals is beyond beneficial.
I particularly appreciated the effective results detailed in the book, “Psych-K… The Missing Piece/Peace In Your Life” by Robert Williams. His approach to improving people’s lives through understanding the differences between the conscious and subconscious mind focuses on getting positive results. This appears to be much more effective than the traditional approach which obsesses over finding the origin point of the subconscious mind’s conflict. It may seem too daunting to address subconscious issues that keep us from the good feeling life that emotional connection provides. Those that find connecting with others problematic are rarely aware that their subconscious residing emotions are holding them hostage from the fulfilment that they make possible.
I know some of you think that you are too old and set in your ways for this to work for you so it really doesn’t apply. But, this is wrong thinking because studies on centenarians, enabled by the technology of MRI and CAT scans, have proven that learning that challenges the brain enables it to grow more gray matter, andfight off dementia. In my view, the neuroplasticity gift of this conscious act makes learning in our elder years more important than childhood learning. And, learning new good emotional habits can enrich your life more than anything else.
Almost four years ago, my husband of over thirty-three years died of Early Onset Alzheimer’s Disease. I was his sole caregiver for the last ten years of his life. For the last four years of it I spent almost all of each week at home caring for him. After so much isolation I became socially inept. I was so aggrieved that making an emotional connection seemed impossible to me. My daughter and I suffered his loss so much that the strain of not being able to help ourselves, much less each other, alienated us to the point that I thought we may never be close again. This happened even though we had always been very emotionally connected her whole life.
To salvage and rebuild our connection I made healing my battered emotions, and the Autoimmune Diseases I believe they caused, my main priority because nothing mattered more to me. I realized that if I could learn how to heal myself, I could help her to learn as well. Through self study and reflection I found the emotional distress that had stolen my life away and healed it, and then I helped my daughter to heal hers too. This miracle could not have happened had I not made me a priority in my life. Women, particularly, are deeply ingrained with the practice of doing for everyone else first and tending to their needs last. This emotional bad habit takes its toll in isolation, negative feelings, and a lackluster experience of life. If you want to be the best possible you for your loved ones, you have to learn to be good with yourself first.