Dear Mr. Putin,

Dear Mr. Putin,

putin2018

 

We need help. I know you’re a former KGB agent (more power to ya) and that you’re one of the richest guys around (but maybe not richer than Jeff Bezos but you could probably buy and sell Kim Kardashian) but I thought I’d reach out for your support.

We’ve tried in this country to debunk this president.  We’ve called him all kinds of names and told the world he’s the Wizard of Oz (with a small w and a small o). We are scared of him frankly.  So I’m writing to you.

Could you please verify the “P” tapes you have of our president with some of your best “ladies”?  I know he said he’s germ adverse but he hung with Stormy, I’m sure he’d hang with a Sasha or two or…how many girls were jumping on that bed?

No one in this country seems to have the moral integrity to understand how funky immoral our Prez is. But I think you do. So, I know he’s probably promised you a reduction in sanctions so your rich oligarchy pals can travel around and be rich (and maybe hobnob with some of our best i.e. Kim Kardashian) but still, don’t you want a better flake to wage your macho bear hugging self against besides our sad prez? Someone more your equal?
I offer you Pence. He looks like George Washington and if you promise you’ll convert to Christianity, you could have Pence in your pocket too.

But please dear Mr. Putin, please. Help us get rid of this president we’ve got. We’re in over our heads here and just as Khrushchev came to our rescue during the Cuban Missile Crisis, could you please get us out of this one? We can’t seem to be able to do it ourselves. Here’s a twist.  If you can come clean on the dossier, we’ll drop our sanctions. That’s what Trump offered you. I’m no skin flint, I’ll offer the same deal. Just get us out of this.

Thanks,

Billy Patriot

Ojo Del Lago
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