E-Harmony

 

I’m looking for the perfect mate.

I’m nice and normal, not a neurotic feller –

So let’s just get enrolled, let’s have a date.

I dream of meeting her, and she looks great

Like Marilyn with a touch of Vampirella.

She says she’s looking for the perfect mate.

We’re both online, and I can hardly wait

To touch, to kiss, to open up and tell her

All of my feelings of love on our first date.

But then it rains and she’s two hours late,

Her hair’s a mess, her skin’s a sort of yeller,

Hardly my longed-for perfect mate.

And I’m not perfect either, lousy ingrate,

I’m loud and drink too many rounds of Stella –

Needless to say, there is no second date.

I guess I’ll have to opt for a single fate,

I got stood up by Joyce and dumped by Della.

I’m tired of looking for the perfect mate,

I’ll simply un-enroll myself, without a date.

—Michael Warren—