Life Askew – January 2020

Life Askew

By Julia Galosy

Candy Asses



OK, you buncha sissies. Get your little girly selves in line. You there, the fat blubby one in the middle? Yeah you, you know who I´m talkin´’bout. You think this man´s army‘s gonna help you get rid of those pounds yo´ mama´s butter biscuits slapped on yo´ ass? Dýa? Dýa? Damn right, it will. This army will not, I repeat, will not, let a fat- ass, low- count, no- good tub stay in this here army.

What yo’ doin´sidling up to me, you little shrimp? Dýa think being close to the MAN will make life easier fo’ you in this here camp? NO WAY!! Get yo’ ass back in the rank.

And you there, you group bunched in the back. Don´t think hiding yourselves in a group is gonna save you. Get spread out. We gotta take this hill and that means we gotta move. Move I said. Ain´t no milk gonna be comin´from the sky to help you.

How do you think I got this big? This strong? This bodacious!! Not by hiding my candy ass in the middle of a bunch of other candy asses. And not, like you, you little shrimp, by trying to play kiss ass with the MAN.

So spread out, let´s go. We gotta take this hill!

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