Santa’s Dilemma

Santa’s Dilemma

By Mark Sconce

 

Every year about this time,

St. Nicholas begins

To organize his trip abroad

Amid the children’s grins.

But news this year at Christmastide

Includes a sober piece:

That certain children far and wide

Are shockingly obese.

Never one to shirk his duty,

Old Santa makes a vow:

“By shedding from m’own big booty,

I’ll show the children how

To take a little pride.

I’m setting the example

For children far and wide

To make us all less ample!

Ho, Ho, Ho.”

And so Dear Santa shopped around

To find the right equipment

To help him shed his portly pound

Before the Great Transhipment.

Mrs. Claus encouraged him

Throughout the days and nights.

She fantasized him slim and trim

And bought him trendy tights.

The active adult that he is

Soon led to Leisure Village,

Where fitness is a booming biz,

Where dumbbells curl and curl…

 The Fitness Center

The Gallery of grunt and groan,

The Palisade of pain,

Where fitness buffs are wont to hone

Their muscle and their brain.

Welcomed as an honored guest,

Dear Santa needed training,

To finally look and feel his best

Trans-fatty foods disdaining.

Cybex apparatus staff

Were there to spot poor Santa,

Who cut his workout time in half

So he could drink a Fanta.

They worked his pecs; they worked his glutes,

Abdominals and deltoids.

They exercised him to his roots

And retrofit his rhomboids.

They goaded his gamellus,

His traps and pectoralis;

They lowered his patellas

And pulverized his pelvis.

Santa finally had enough.

To fitness world, “Adieu.

 I’ll never be a fitness buff

And be a Santa, too.”

The residents all rallied round

To bid a fond farewell,

And everyone could hear the sound

Of Santa’s ‘scape from hell:

“Merry Christmas to All

And to All a Good Night!”

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For more information about Lake Chapala visit: www.chapala.com

 

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