I happened to be in California for most of February 2024, for doctor’s appointments and family gatherings. The big question being debated on the news at that time was whether or not Taylor Swift would be able to finish her concert in Tokyo, and still make it to the Super Bowl on Feb. 11th to cheer for her boyfriend, Travis Kelce, a tight end for the Kansas City Chiefs. Spoiler Alert – She made it, and the Chiefs won the game. It was a nice American sweetheart story, right before Valentine’s Day.
But then, along came Valentine’s Day, and the “Breaking News” headline on all the major TV channels suddenly took a more ominous turn. The Republican chairman of the House Intelligence Committee, Rep. Mike Turner, had just come out of a classified briefing, and spoke to reporters. Based on what he had just heard in that briefing, he was urging the White House to “declassify certain intelligence about a serious national security threat.” He gave no specifics, leaving us all wondering if enemy missiles had been launched, or an asteroid was hurtling toward the Earth.
It took a while even for the White House to figure out what specific intelligence Turner was talking about. But the next day, a White House spokesperson confirmed that it was monitoring a new space-based, anti-satellite technology that Russia has been developing, but not yet deployed. For the next few days, the press interviewed dozens of national security experts, most of whom wanted to assure the public that there was no immediate threat. But, the experts would neither confirm nor deny that this technology involved nuclear capabilities.
Russia, of course, denied developing any such technology. Nevertheless, the U.S. warned Russia that deploying any kind of nuclear weapons in space would be a violation of the 1967 “Outer Space Treaty,” which they and more than 130 other countries had signed.
By the end of the week, even Rep. Turner, who started all the hoopla, was satisfied that the administration had responded appropriately and was adequately monitoring the situation. By the time I returned to Mexico on Feb. 27th, the entire incident had faded from the headlines.
But, back in Ajijic that evening, as I sat down to watch the news on CNN, a strange thing happened. Although the normal TV “Guide” showed up, when I clicked on CNN, I got the message “Lost Satellite Connection.” The same thing happened with MSNBC and Fox News. In fact, every channel I tried said “Lost Satellite Connection.” That got me to thinking. Do you suppose the Russians actually fired that damned anti-satellite weapon?
It kind of made sense. If they wanted to secretly test such a weapon, they probably wouldn’t target an actual U.S. military satellite. They would probably look for an outdated communications satellite owned by a private company, preferably operating out of a relatively neutral country. My satellite service provider is Shaw Direct, which is based in Calgary, Canada. I’m told they have three satellites. Only the oldest one was still broadcasting American and Canadian programs to viewers in Mexico. But, over the past year, because of copyright issues, Shaw has been slowly switching some of those channels from that old satellite to the two newer ones which do not transmit to Mexico.
About every other week, I would suddenly lose access to a few channels that had been part of my original package. I wouldn’t have minded losing the World Curling Championships, or the Dart-Throwing Tournaments. In fact, I’d have gladly given up all the Canadian sports channels. Well, maybe I’d keep the lumberjack competitions. But I was slowly losing access to some of my favorite programs. Murder She Wrote. Columbo. Eventually, Shaw began chipping away at some PBS channels. With Angela Lansbury gone, could Lawrence Welk be far behind?
What better test target for the Russians than an obsolete satellite that the company was slowly shutting down anyway? Who’d miss it? Just a few dozen technology-challenged octogenarians in Mexico. There was no doubt in my mind. The Ruskies did it. They probably did it during the Super Bowl, while 120 million Americans were lulled into complacency watching Taylor Swift ogle her tight end.
But, the next morning, I was finally able to get through to my satellite service provider. He told me that it was actually Shaw Direct who pulled the plug on our Mexican satellite service. He said there had been rumors for months that it was going to happen. But they gave no prior warning. He did assure me, however, that it didn’t happen during the Super Bowl. That might have caused an international incident. Just by coincidence, it happened on Feb. 27th, the very day I came back from California.
Don’t you hate it when you find out your perfectly logical conspiracy theory doesn’t hold water? Speaking of which, if the Russians really wanted to wipe out my satellite service, they wouldn’t need Star Wars technology or nuclear weapons. A squirt gun would have done the job. I used to lose all my satellite channels every time it rained. Not just here in Ajijic. I’d lose service if there was more than a 50% chance of rain anywhere between Calgary and Guadalajara.
Oh well, rain or shine, I’m now left with only Mexican Cable TV. Unfortunately, all their programs are in Spanish. After 17 years of living down here, and completing the local Conversational Spanish Course three separate times, I can’t even follow the Spanish dialog of the children’s cartoon channels. Occasionally, I’ll find a movie with subtitles, but they are not in English. For some unknown reason, the subtitles are often in Spanish, even when all the actors are speaking Spanish. What sense does that make?
Fortunately, I still have a DVD player that works. Of course, nobody at the Wednesday market is selling pirated DVDs anymore. They lost all their customers to Netflix, Hulu, and Amazon Prime. But those internet streaming services are way beyond my technical skills. I haven’t even figured out how to reset the flashing digital clock on my DVD player.
So, I guess I’ll just have to binge-watch all my 40-year-old Star Wars and Indiana Jones DVDs. If worse comes to worst, I suppose I could dig up the 12-DVD Spanish Language Course I bought before moving down here. Maybe, without the distraction of the 24-hour news cycle on TV, I might actually pick up enough Spanish to follow the Bugs Bunny cartoons. Check back with me in a few weeks. As for now, all I can say is “Tha-tha-tha-that’s all, folks!”
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Is this the Larry Kolczak who went to the Univ. of Illinois in the 60’s (when America was last great) and roomed with a John Kummer on the top floor of Babcock Hall? The wizened face at this site looks like it could have evolved from the face I remember. In any event, this is the John to whom I refer.
I happened to be surfing and discovered the link to the Ojo web publication. Also, I stayed in the Chapala/Ajijic area in 2007 when traveling around Mexico visiting with relatives. A fine place to settle down. I recall looking for a mysterious Pablo at a tavern/eatery on the Ajijic water front. Send me a note if you care to at johnkummer@att.net. Say hello to Ted, KIT John