Embarrassing Moments

We’ve all had them … some more private than others … some more traumatic … and some hilarious!

I was eight years old, shopping with my mother in downtown Oklahoma City on Thursday evening when the stores stayed open until 8 p.m. We were walking down Main Street and the elastic on my panties broke and the little pink wonders fell around my ankles. My mom collapsed against a U.S. mailbox, laughing, while I frantically tugged and pulled and finally realized it was hopeless and stepped out of the useless garment.

I don’t recall if anyone was around to witness it, but my humiliation was complete.

Moving forward to young adulthood, happily married and living in a modest community in Dallas, Texas. Several of my friends and I were housewives, yearning to be more successful than maintaining a home and hearth for Hubby. So enter Mary Kay Cosmetics and the dream of a pink Cadillac.

One Tuesday evening, I was expecting several friends for a demonstration and hopefully sign-ups of new “partners” in the scheme of sales. A modest table was being set up for light refreshments and punch. I was very proud of my salmon mold creation which was the centerpiece.

I hurried into the kitchen to get more ice for the punch bowl and returned to see my cat on the dining table licking up salmon gel. “No, naughty cat! Get down this instant!” And I picked him up and unceremoniously tossed him out the back door.

The salmon dish was smoothed over with the messy portion hidden at the bottom and my guests arrived. All enjoyed my modest feast. Also, the sales went well, and a few industrious neighbors signed up to be “Mary Kay reps” which would also earn me shares of their sales. Yay!

Everyone hugged, said their goodbyes and finally the front door was closed. I sighed in relief for a successful event. Soon my hubby returned home from his exile and resumed his spot in the den with the TV remote.

As I was clearing dishes and washing them in the kitchen sink, I looked out the back window and to my horror saw my cat lying in the back yard, obviously dead! I confessed the sequence of events to my husband, and we came to the conclusion that the salmon was tainted, and my innocent cat was poisoned…and that meant that my guests and I were also poisoned!

There was nothing to do but sit down and call all of them and explain what had happened and urge them to join me in the local hospital Emergency Room. A shaky group of housewives gathered and were treated to the outrageous procedure of having their stomachs pumped to clear the toxins. Ugh!! I have never been so ashamed, even though it was certainly not intentional.

My dear, patient husband drove me home and I collapsed on the den sofa, being both physically and emotionally drained. A few minutes later, the phone rang, and I picked up the extension to hear words from my neighbor…

“Sally, I don’t know how to apologize enough, but I accidentally ran over your cat in the alley this evening. He appeared to have died instantly and I hope he didn’t suffer. He darted out in front of my car, and I couldn’t stop. I am so very sorry.”

I never repeated those words to my friends with their empty stomachs and will take that secret to my grave ….

Sue Schools
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