By Michael Green


Bus-DriverDear Answer Dude,

I am thinking about renting a car and driving myself around during my visit to PV. Do you have any advice? John C. Seattle

Hola Juanito,

What a great idea! Did you come up with that all by yourself? Just take this simple quiz to see if you are up to the task:

1. The car in front of you has his left turn signal on. What does this mean?

a. He is turning left.

b. Pass him on the left.

c. Nothing, the signal is broken and the driver has not bothered to fix it.

d. He is daring me to pass and I should do so immediately even if I have to swerve into oncoming traffic.

2. A group of pedestrians are waiting to cross the street in a marked crosswalk. What should you do?

a. Stop immediately and allow them to cross safely.

b. Slow down a little bit so that they can get across if they run.

c. Swerve around them so that they do not slow me down.

d. Speed up so that if I hit one, he will die and not be able to sue me.

3. What is the procedure to follow when you encounter a stop sign?

a. Stop, look, listen, yield to other traffic and then proceed with caution.

b. Slow down a little bit, but only if I am in my own neighborhood.

c. Speed up so that I can get through the intersection before the other jerk gets there.

d. Stop signs do not apply to me; they were invented to slow the other guy down.

4. You have to shop in a tienda downtown, but there are no parking spaces available on the street. What should you do?

a. Continue on around the block and look for another space or possibly park in the garage.

b. Take any available spot, even if it is marked “no parking.” I will just be there for a minute.

c. Pull over to the side, block the cars that are parked and put on my emergency flashers.

d. Stop in the middle of the street, so I can take care of my business. The other cars should know better than to be in “MY” parking place.

5. What is the purpose of the horn?

a. To warn other drivers of impending danger.

b. To say “hi” to friends and let everyone else know that I am here.

c. To let the idiot sitting in front of me at the stoplight know that the light is about to turn green, so he may as well go now.

d. Horn? Why would anyone ever honk at me, I own the road!

6. Besides driving, what other actions are you able to perform while operating a motor vehicle?

a. Nothing, I pay strict attention to the driving conditions and keep two hands on the wheel at all times.

b. I can talk on my cell phone and still keep my eyes open for “transitos”.

c. I am able to talk to my passenger about the Chivas game while swerving through traffic and cursing at other drivers.

d. Anything and everything. I can give change for a $50 peso bill, issue a receipt, talk to my buddy, and honk at cute girls while drag racing all other traffic. I have never lost a race and have scratches and dents on my vehicle to prove it.

Scoring: Give yourself 1 point for each letter “a” you selected, two points for each letter “b”, three points for each letter “c” and four points for each letter “d”.

Results: 7 and below. You are a hopeless case and should not even be trusted to ride in a taxi much less drive a car here.

8-13: You show promise and have potential to be a bona fide “local” driver.

14-19: Your advanced driving skills make you a candidate for a taxi driver.

20-24: You are the king of the road and have a great future as a local bus driver.

(Ed. Note: Michael Green is a realtor in Puerto Vallarta and moved there in 1997 to take advantage of the unsurpassed lifestyle PV offers. He has survived the local roadways by employing guile, guts and determination.

Mike can be reached by e mail at:

For more information about Lake Chapala visit:

Ojo Del Lago
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