Dear Portia

Dear Portia

Advice to the Lovelorn, the Dispossessed and the Deeply Disgruntled


Old lady on doorstep with cigar
The Old Portia!

portia new
The New Portia!

There are no coincidences! Just as Caitlyn Jenner has revealed her stunning new persona (and get that exquisite chassis), I can now reveal my true self. No more hidden by a scruffy exterior, enclosed in a miasma of nameless mind altering substances.  Early this year, friends threw me an uncomfortable party. I was carted off to a spa across the pond in an instant, for cataclysmic changes. The mob had found “Clean and Decent” online, a two-for one offer- rehab, plus a surgical makeover. Yes, dear ones, rebirth is painful, but take a look at me now! 

My new squeeze, Roger, my personal trainer at the spa, became so much more to me on a host of levels. One polite Brit term for lovemaking is to ‘roger,’ as in Roger Moore. Geddit?? Spa details are classified; sorry. It’s an all celebrity clientele. The food was exquisite. The décor was opulent. Oh and the “Optimizers” (e.g. staff), a subtle blend of Dr. Phil meets Kim Kardashian and HRH Princess Margaret says it all—and  this from the Brits?

I was massaged mentally and physically until my pristine beauty shone through that hideous crustiness build up. A nip here, a tuck there, a bit of exercise, plus some meaningful repartee with other clients; the days flew by.

Yes, Dear Reader, I have expanded my vistas. I invite you to join with me.  The “old” Portia might have eschewed questions about fashion, body enhancements, general tips on seduction and the like, but no more!  Here is my personal email, ( I hope you can and will share  tribulations, disgruntlements and other troubles to  so enhance the scope of our fun together.

Ta Ta for now!

Transparently Yours,



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Ojo Del Lago
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