Minds Matter – July 2026

All They Need Is Love

We often hear that people with dementia become aggressive, as if it is simply part of the disease. But what many people, including loved ones, don’t realize is that behavior is often communication.

The number one trigger for distress in dementia is unmet needs, especially unrecognized physical or emotional discomfort. A person may be hungry, thirsty, cold, in pain, frightened, or embarrassed. They may need privacy, reassurance, or simply more time.

Imagine someone helping you undress or bathe when you have done those things independently all your life. A healthy brain might say, “Please give me a moment, I’d like to do this myself.” But a person with dementia may no longer be able to express that. Instead, frustration may come out as resistance, shouting, or even swinging arms. What looks like aggression is often an attempt to protect dignity.

As dementia progresses, language can become impaired, making it harder to communicate needs. The caregiver is then asked to become a detective: Is it pain? Fear? Confusion? Loneliness? Often the behavior is simply a cry for understanding.

Routine changes can also be deeply unsettling. At home, a person may have risen at their own pace, enjoyed coffee before dressing, read the paper, fed the cat. In care settings, they may suddenly have to adapt to someone else’s schedule. Being rushed through tasks can feel disorienting and disempowering.

Sometimes agitation has other causes. About 20 percent of people with Alzheimer’s experience sundowning, a state of confusion often emerging at dusk. It may show up as pacing, anxiety, wandering, or saying they want to “go home.” Often, they are searching not for a house, but for familiarity, comfort, and safety.

Behind every diagnosis is a human being with a lifetime of memories, preferences, and emotions. They still need dignity and respect. Caregiving is demanding, and many family caregivers begin with little training. Stress, exhaustion, and frustration can affect how care is given. Even professional caregivers may understand medical care but need deeper understanding of dementia behavior.

And there is something profound caregivers often discover: while memory and language fade, emotional perception can remain remarkably strong. People with dementia may lose many abilities, but they often become more sensitive to the emotional energy around them.

If a caregiver is rushed, irritated, or tense, they may feel it immediately. But they also feel gentleness.

A calm voice can soothe.

A hand held in reassurance can ground.

A change of subject can defuse fear.

A hug can replace panic with peace.

Sometimes the best response is not correction, but connection.

Experienced caregivers know relationships matter. In loving, trusting relationships, there is often less agitation. Why? Because feeling safe changes everything. Even when someone can no longer remember names or recent events, they can often still feel comfort, affection, and love. That emotional memory can outlast much of cognitive memory.

Feeling loved can reduce anxiety, aggression, and wandering. It can restore calm where medication may not. It can preserve identity when so much else is slipping away.

This changes how we see dementia behavior. Instead of asking, “Why are they acting this way?” we begin asking, “What are they trying to tell us?”

And often the answer is simple:

See me.

Respect me.

Reassure me.

Stay with me.

Because beneath the confusion, behind the fear, beyond the diagnosis, there is still a person reaching for comfort and connection.

And in the end, all they need is love.