Letters In The “Dead File”

Letters In The “Dead File”

 

Dear Noah,

We could have sworn you said the Ark wasn’t leaving till 5.

Sincerely,

Unicorns

 

Dear Twilight fans,

Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get an erection.  Enjoy fantasizing about that.

Sincerely,

Logic

 

Dear Icebergs,

Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma’s a bitch.

Sincerely,

The Titanic

 

Dear America ,

You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.

Sincerely,

Canada

 

Dear Yahoo,

I’ve never heard anyone say, “I don’t know, let’s Yahoo! it…” just saying…

Sincerely,

Google

 

Dear 2010,

So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF happened?

Sincerely,

1985

 

Dear girls who have been dumped,

There are plenty of fish in the sea… Just kidding! They’re mostly dead.

Sincerely,

BP Oil

 

Dear Saturn,

I liked it, so I put a ring on it.

Sincerely,

God

 

Dear Fox News,

So far, no news about foxes.

Sincerely,

Unimpressed

 

Dear Skin-Colored Band Aids,

Please make one for every skin color.

Sincerely,

Black people  

 

Dear Scissors,

I feel your pain…..no one wants to run with me either.

Sincerely,

Sarah Palin

 

Dear World of Warcraft,

Thank you for ensuring my son’s virginity.

Sincerely,

Parents Everywhere

 

Dear Customers,

Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese.

Sincerely,

Nail Salon Ladies

 

Dear Ugly People,

You’re welcome.

Sincerely,

Alcohol

 

Dear Mr. Gump

WTF are you talking about? There’s a little diagram on the inside of the box that tells you EXACTLY what you’re gonna get!

Sincerely,

Jenny

 

Dear World,

Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendar ends there because some Spanish dirt bags invaded our country and we got a little busy, ok?

Sincerely,

The Mayans

 

Dear White People,

Don’t you just hate immigrants?

Sincerely,

Native Americans

 

Dear iPhone,

Please stop spell checking all of my rude words into nice words. You piece of shut.

Sincerely,

Every iPhone User