Letters In The “Dead File”
We could have sworn you said the Ark wasn’t leaving till 5.
Dear Twilight fans,
Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get an erection. Enjoy fantasizing about that.
Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma’s a bitch.
Dear America ,
You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.
I’ve never heard anyone say, “I don’t know, let’s Yahoo! it…” just saying…
So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF happened?
Dear girls who have been dumped,
There are plenty of fish in the sea… Just kidding! They’re mostly dead.
I liked it, so I put a ring on it.
Dear Fox News,
So far, no news about foxes.
Dear Skin-Colored Band Aids,
Please make one for every skin color.
I feel your pain…..no one wants to run with me either.
Dear World of Warcraft,
Thank you for ensuring my son’s virginity.
Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese.
Nail Salon Ladies
Dear Ugly People,
Dear Mr. Gump
WTF are you talking about? There’s a little diagram on the inside of the box that tells you EXACTLY what you’re gonna get!
Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendar ends there because some Spanish dirt bags invaded our country and we got a little busy, ok?
Dear White People,
Don’t you just hate immigrants?
Please stop spell checking all of my rude words into nice words. You piece of shut.
Every iPhone User