THERE ARE SO MANY KINDS …

There are so many kinds of awful dame

He’d foolishly invited to his bed,

He said he’d never make that crazy same

Mistake again – a new mistake instead.

The poetess who sang and wept and bled,

She read him odes from Russia and Ukraine

And brought her bearded friends to smoke in bed –

There are so many kinds of awful dame.

The sexy broad who beat him with a cane,

It wasn’t as much fun as she had said –

Indeed he got no pleasure from the pain

He’d foolishly invited to his bed.

The feminist who took him to Sex-Ed,

She told him that all men should take the blame

The world was in a mess and underfed –

She nearly drove him crazy and insane.

The bitch who stole his money and his name

And maxed out all his credit cards and fled –

Ah well, he’ll not make that mistake again,

He’ll find a lovely new mistake instead.

So the neurotic was at least well-read

Though high on pills and alcohol and shame,

Her Freudian love was mostly in her head –

He’d lived and learned and lived and learned, he’d claim

But then – there are so many kinds of awful dame.

By Michael Warren