Nifty One-Liners

Nifty One-Liners


  • jack-benny1Nostalgia is a device that removes the ruts and the potholes from Memory Lane.
  • I just got back from a pleasure trip. I drove my wife to the airport.
  • I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
  • Last night our high school band played Beethoven. Beethoven lost, 12 to 7.
  • A married man should forget his mistakes. There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing.
  • I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
  • My wife and I were happy for twenty years… then we met.
  • George Washington’s brother was the uncle of our country.
  • I have enough money to last me the rest of my life… unless I buy something.
  • Did you hear about the two blond thieves that stole a calendar? They each got six months.
  • I don’t mind the rat race, but I could do with a little more cheese.
  • Love is like a roller coaster: when it’s good you don’t want to get off, and when it isn’t, you can’t wait to throw up.
  • What is the difference between men and pigs? Pigs don’t turn into men when they drink.
  • A chicken coop always has two doors. If it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.
  • I don’t eat snails… I prefer fast food!
  • Filthy stinking rich… Well, two out of three ain’t bad.
  • You know you’re in a small town when everyone knows whose credit is good and whose wife isn’t.
  • Marriage is like a violin; after the sweet music is over, there are still strings attached.

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Ojo Del Lago
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