Nifty One-Liners - El Ojo del Lago

Nifty One-Liners

Nostalgia is a device that removes the ruts and the potholes from Memory Lane.
I just got back from a pleasure trip. I drove my wife to the airport.
I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
Last night our high school band played Beethoven. Beethoven lost, 12 to 7.
A married man should forget his mistakes. There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
My wife and I were happy for twenty years… then we met.
George Washington’s brother was the uncle of our country.
I have enough money to last me the rest of my life… unless I buy something.
Did you hear about the two blond thieves that stole a calendar? They each got six months.
I don’t mind the rat race, but I could do with a little more cheese.
Love is like a roller coaster: when it’s good you don’t want to get off, and when it isn’t, you can’t wait to throw up.
What is the difference between men and pigs? Pigs don’t turn into men when they drink.
A chicken coop always has two doors. If it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.
I don’t eat snails… I prefer fast food!
Filthy stinking rich… Well, two out of three ain’t bad.
You know you’re in a small town when everyone knows whose credit is good and whose wife isn’t.
Marriage is like a violin; after the sweet music is over, there are still strings attached.

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