Unexplainable Love

^“Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone, we find it with another.”

Thomas Merton

The eight types of love according to the ancient Greeks:

Eros: The love of passion, romance, and desire that occurs in the beginning of a relationship.

Philia: A deep, platonic, and affectionate love that develops over time in a friendship.

Ludus: A playful, childlike love that is common in the early stages of a relationship.

Agape: Love that is not a fleeting emotion, but rather a commitment and act of will.

Pragma: A compassionate love that grows over time as two people care for each other.

Philautia: The appreciation of one’s own worth, a healthy balance of self-esteem, and a foundation for giving love to and receiving love from others.

Storge: Family love.

Mania: Obsessive love that can lead to jealousy or possessiveness.

We honor Saint Valentine’s Day mostly for the reason of Eros or romantic love. I never thought I was a hopeless romantic until I found true love in my sixties in Kalamata, Greece. And even though I was certain I was not ready for love it was inevitable, as if I had been led to it by a force more powerful than me. How do you elucidate unexplainable love when people cannot see it through the eyes of the lover—when they cannot feel what their heart feels when it is intertwined and enraptured with their beloved?

Is it magic or quantum entanglement, when two become interconnected in such a way that the state of one cannot be described independently of the other, even separated by vast distances? Whether magic or quantum mechanics, this intense energetic phenomenon manifests in the physical world when lovers’ hearts beat faster and become synchronized, they become exhilarated and unusually optimistic, and they want nothing more than to be at the side of their love interest. No wonder Frank Sinatra wrote the song “Witchcraft” about unexplainable romantic love.

It is so powerful that people kill for it… and die for it. Women 55 and older have five times more risk of getting Broken Heart Syndrome, and of dying from it, than the rest of the population. I have personally suffered from it and am certain that if I left it untreated it would have taken my life as I endured intense chest pain from angina even though I had no history of heart disease. That was why I was sure I was not ready to fall in love again, and why I am certain we don’t get to decide where or when it happens. We don’t choose love. Love chooses us.

So, what is it that makes romantic love more highly valued than other kinds of love? Is it only because it causes the human brain to light up like Fourth of July fireworks in a potent cocktail of pleasure neurotransmitters, chemicals, and hormones? Not really, pleasure isn’t the only thing that makes it so desirable.

The Greek love which is called Agape (ah-gah-peh) can mean many things. But the kind I am referring to is when you accept the other unconditionally. Agape love sacrifices for the good of the other person and can’t be replaced by any other thing in creation. Even with the pain that can accompany this kind of selflessness, it’s one of life’s most precious gifts, in my opinion, as it is the result of romantic love evolving into a deeply satisfying, everlasting kind of love that makes it even more intense.

After experiencing the other seven types of Greek love, it’s this rare feeling that changed who I am at my core. When I stopped living for pleasure and held our shared love in the highest regard I evolved and became whole within myself. I was able to live with greater self-integrity and a much-improved self-view. These two things brought me inner peace by setting me free of my “self” issues that caused me the most suffering.

Had you told me when I was young that when I was quite old, I would have the most intense love of my entire life, I would not have believed you. When we are young, we seek the physical rewards love provides as a natural progression of experiencing being human, even into old age. Experiencing all eight types of Greek love, I believe, gets us closer to what the Bible describes as “God is love.” Is the downside of having these experiences worth the blessings they bestow? Yes. I feel that cumulatively they got me closer to the kind of love that God gifts our species. May love fill your heart with joy this year.