No Thank You
Thanksgiving is a Big Deal holiday in the U.S. Families start planning many months in advance. Who will host is a touchy decision. Will it be at Grandma’s house, or is that too much chaos for her? Things get touchy if there are extended families involving remarriages and second families. Egos clash and power struggles surface.
Some arrangements are fixed, with every other year type of agreements. If one marries into such a fixed agreement, they are out of luck. There is no “third year for the new couple” option. The apple cart would flip.
Add to the familial drama the food subject. The larger the family, the more dishes there are to prepare. Obscene amounts of coordination go into who will bring what dish and ensuring that the buffet or table has the correct courses of food. Heaven forbid there are not enough pies for dessert!
I decided in my college years that I did not like this holiday. I would be dieting for months, only to attend a holiday gathering. It was not unusual to hear someone say, “You haven’t tried Aunt So and So’s special chocolate cake. You MUST have some with ice cream!” The offending saucer would be forced into your hand, as you silently lamented that you had already eaten more than you wanted to.
After one such holiday, I walked for about two miles just to get rid of the too-full feeling. I had lots of walking time to contemplate how we humans weigh the importance of how we eat.
I stopped planning Thanksgiving meals many years ago. Usually, I don’t even go out for this holiday. I was happy to skip the holiday when I was in Mexico, and act like the locals who felt no obligation to partake in this expansive food performance.
This doesn’t mean that the rituals that go with other meal preparations have disappeared. Recently my husband announced in a very serious tone that I was not fulfilling my wifely obligations. I was stunned. I rate myself as a pretty good wife. My mind whirled to what he thought was amiss. Perhaps it was some sexual shortcoming, as most men always want more in this department.
I decided to bite the bullet, shore up my ego and ask what he meant. To my surprise he responded, “You used to cook lots more homemade meals and now you want to go out to eat too much.”
Wow. I had no defense. He was stating the obvious. At my age, I no longer want to spend hours planning three meals a day, shopping for ingredients and facing all the post clean-up coordination required.
I talked to a friend about this. She said she was experiencing a similar situation now that her husband had recently retired. Exhausted, she asked him one morning, “When do I get to retire?” I thought she posed a fair question. Her husband didn’t understand what she was asking and a long marital discussion followed.
A different friend faced this issue creatively. She said she had stopped all the continuous cooking and had become highly proficient at what she called “meal arranging.” She explained that she bought lots of pre-cooked foods and raw fruits and prepared colorful food presentations on large platters. She faked being a kitchen diva.
I have decided that I will go this route. I keep my refrigerator stocked with fruits, vegetables and cooked beans and meats. I don’t actually do that much cooking anymore, but my husband is delighted by the artistically presented plates I have conjured.
Cooking for days in advance of holidays? Hovering over the stove for hours?
No thank you.
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