I’ve never been big on conspiracy theories but lately I’ve been giving this one serious consideration. I suspect my cell phone is listening to all my conversations, whether or not I’ve made a phone call. I was a little reluctant to mention this to my wife. Back in the 70’s, her first husband began showing signs of paranoia. He thought some mysterious “they” had planted bugs throughout their house. Not even the salt and pepper shakers were above suspicion. At some point, he prohibited his family from having normal conversation around the dinner table. Instead, they had to pass written notes back and forth. Sadly, she had to go to court and ask to have him committed so he could receive psychiatric help. The judge was convinced after she showed him the notes.
So, you can see why I might have been reluctant to tell her my suspicions about my cell phone. I didn’t want her to worry that she had married another Looney Tune. But she passed away a few years ago, so I think it is finally safe to go public about my eavesdropping cell phone.
It is pretty much common knowledge that if you search for something on Google or Amazon, that will trigger unsolicited pop-up ads for similar products. It is annoying, but at least you can understand how the computer knew you were looking for a specific product.
For example, a few years ago, I made the mistake of buying some underwear over the Internet. Nothing special, just plain old white cotton briefs. For the next few weeks, every time I opened my computer, I was inundated with pop-up ads showing athletic young men stripped down to their skivvies. And in case you haven’t noticed, men’s underwear fashions have evolved well beyond the classic “boxers or briefs.” We now have everything from knee-length spandex tights to thong bikinis. And every image I deleted was promptly replaced by a more risqué version. Anybody passing my computer would think I was ogling the “Chippendales” dance troupe.
So, I promptly learned not to search for certain items on the Internet. But sometimes, typing in even the most innocuous words can bring surprising results. A teacher friend of mine once wanted to give his students a video tour of the White House on the new big-screen TV the school had recently bought. He typed in www.whitehouse.com. Big mistake. That turned out to be a porn site. (The correct site is www.whitehouse.gov.) Worse yet, there was no obvious way to exit the site. There was no little “X” in the upper right corner. The only “X’s” were in the descriptions of the various video clips. Clearly, they wanted to make sure you had to watch each preview in hopes you would stumble upon one that matched your particular fetish. His only option was to pull the plug on his computer. Fortunately, the incident didn’t get him fired. Instead, the students voted him the “Most Popular Teacher” of the year.
My problem wasn’t one of clicking on the wrong website. All I was doing was chatting with someone on my cell phone. For example, my daughter called from California to tell me that the wooden deck in the back yard was falling apart. Suddenly, I started receiving pop-up ads from deck contractors. That can’t be a coincidence. When was the last time you received an ad from a deck contractor?
Even stranger, I started receiving ads even though I hadn’t been talking about the subject over my cell phone. For example, I had to take my car to a mechanic because the “check engine” light had come on. His investigation showed that a rat had chewed the insulation off one of the electric wires. I was skeptical until he showed me the tiny footprints in the dust on top of the engine. The next day, I started receiving ads from pest control companies. Mind you, I hadn’t been talking to the mechanic over my cell phone. I just had it in my pocket while we were discussing the problem.
I never use “Siri” to request information from my cell phone. I’m old-fashioned. I just type in my requests to Google. But I suspect that “Siri” is listening to every word I say. How else would she know if I was hailing her by saying the word “Siri?” Who knows what she is doing with all the other words.
Do you need more proof? The day the 2024 election results were announced, I remember telling an American friend, “We are screwed.” He replied that he was considering moving to Canada. The next day, I started receiving emails from Canadian pharmacies peddling generic Viagra.
Whaddaya think? Should we start writing notes?
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